I have a Pilates class twice a week and on those two days I do not wear makeup to school. During the rest of my school/work week I wear makeup everyday. Now I’m loving Pilates! The class is a great way to start my day, especially after I’ve been at work for a few hours. However, I’ve noticed that I don’t feel as good those two days after and before the class. I mean sure, I feel better after doing Pilates because my body has gone through some awesome stuff but I don’t feel good about myself?
I racked my brain to figure out what exactly was going on up there and why I was feeling this way…and my thought was pretty clear. It’s because I’m not wearing makeup…which is kind of stupid. I obviously think I look better with makeup on, I think most people who wear makeup feel this way. Now, don’t get me wrong I do have no makeup days sometimes and I don’t hate it but I have this desire to look my best (or as good as I can get) when I go to my classes. I don’t feel put together when I leave the house if I’m not wearing makeup. Does that make sense? It isn’t because I’m not comfortable in my skin…okay sometimes it is but for the most part I want to feel put together when I leave my house.
I’ve actually started to dread Mondays and Wednesday because I know I’m going to feel bad about myself during those days. I even noticed that I walk to class with my face pointed down to the ground?? Whatttt? I don’t even make eye contact with people as much during those two days and I want to leave my classes as soon as possible.
Now, I don’t think anyone cares. No one has said anything negative to me and no one has commented about my face. It’s a mental thing that I don’t think I’ll be able to overcome at least for the time being. Maybe it’s also a cultural thing? I think that when people in Bosnia go out they dress up for anything (at least a certain age group does…I’m not counting the old grandpas). I feel like I’m unfit when I go out if I’m not dressed in clean clothes and have my hair fixed and basic makeup on.
This is going to be a new series I’m going to try to get started. Sensitive Saturdays will be days where I will write about something that I think is either a sensitive matter or I will share how sensitive I am in a story or how I’m thinking (like I did above).