Sensitive Saturday – Marriage

marriage

I don’t want to get married, yet.

I am at that point in life where a lot individuals my age are getting married or are shunning the idea of marriage, to an extent. Right now I’m in the middle of these two points of view. Some days I swing closer to one side but for the most part I am stationary in my idea of no marriage for me right now, but one day sure I’ll do the whole marriage thing.

Marriage

The concept of marriage sounds beautiful. The idea of living your life out together with someone, growing with them, and having amazing experiences together sounds magical. The media has definitely made the image of marriage to be a very amazing thing, and while I actually do think it is extremely magical I do also believe that it is a lot of work (I kind of hate say that because I hate the idea of comparing marriage to work but I can’t really think of a better way of putting it.). There’s a lot of stuff that comes with marriage and I honestly can’t talk about all of the aspects because *surprise, surprise* I’ve not been and will not be getting married soon.

So, over all the idea of getting married, the wedding, and the whole getting to spend the rest of your life with someone is something that I’d like to do. One day. Not today.

Why not?

  1. I don’t want to get married to someone without knowing all that they are. I want to know as much as I can about a person before settling down with them. Is that really too much to ask for? I want to know what kind of person the are, what they hate, what they like to do, how the act in certain situations, etc. Sure, it does sound like a lot but if you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone you better know almost everything about them.
  2. I don’t want to get married because I want to know myself better. I had a talk with this beautiful friend the other day about marriage and how we are constantly surprised to see people getting hitched. It was a surprise to hear her saying that because she was brought up differently than I was and we have a lot of differences in our ways of thinking. However, we found a similarity in the respect that we don’t want to marry someone without understanding who we ourselves are. How could you marry someone during the peak point of change in your life? It is asking a lot from your partner and from yourself. You probably won’t be the same person at 20 and 26. That’s a pretty big chunck of time.
  3. I don’t want to grow alongside someone and become dependant on them. Wouldn’t it be nice to figure out stuff on your own? If there is a problem with something I don’t want my first thought to be “I have to run home and have my significant other fix everything for me”. I want to be comfortable in solving my own problems by myself. Yes, this is a lot to ask from myself because I get very nervous about things and do rely on others to help me or to at least listen to me, but this is a critical point in my life in which I can at least attempt to get out of this habit (and to not intensify it).
  4. I don’t want to have to be a responsible adult. There’s this mindset in America that once you finish high school you have to be a full functioning adult and make all of your important life choices. While I do think I am responsible and can make some choices, I definitely don’t see myself as a full-fledged adult. I still live with my parents, I don’t have to pay bills, and I don’t have to worry about a lot of things. I’m extremely grateful for this situation that I am in and thank my parents every moment I can because I know how hard it could be. There is also a cultural aspect to not feeling as if I need to be a fully responsible adult. In a great portion of my culture it is acceptable for a child to live with their parents for an extended period of time. They help around the house and, when they begin to work, they pitch in a bit of their pay check. In the mean time, they save up money and plan for the future without being weighed down by extreme costs. Why is that such a bad thing?

I am currently in a relationship and while I’m mostly happy in it I don’t plan on putting any marriage talk officially on the table for many years. If its possible I’d like to live and enjoy my early 20s and then later have to live under constant worrying. Wouldn’t that be nice?

What are your thoughts on marriage?
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