100

This is my 100th published post. That’s a crazy number. This is a crazy concept that I can barely grasp.

I have reached this number at an uncertain point in my life and I don’t really know how to feel about it. I’m very happy about it but I’m also scared. I wonder how many of the 100 posts are actually good and if someone has actually learned something from my ramblings. I just want to list out some of the thoughts that I am currently having and the feelings that I’m trying to run away from. I guess I’ll also try to figure out what it is I actually want to see myself do in the future? At least something happy…I hope.

My life is currently full of far-off glances and never ending wishes for happiness. I am surrounded by a bubble of uncertainty and fear of the future, which I think many people my age feel because we’re all in the same position of finishing school and going into the “real world”. I hate saying the “real world”, it makes the four years I’ve spent in college feel like something unimportant and fake. I hope to figure out my life in the year 2017 because I feel like I’m running out of time, which is another feeling I think other 20-something year olds are having. I don’t want to rush my life but I want to do something exciting.

I want to wake up happy more days than I wake up sad and dissatisfied. I want to be full of love and have as much love given back to me. I want to be selfish with my time and effort. I want to give the best people in my life the most time and effort. I want people to feel happy when they are with me and to feel that happiness even after we’ve parted ways for the day. I want to put effort into beautiful creations. I want to make food, posts, videos, and decisions that make me happy. I don’t want to have an unnecessary cloud of burdens hanging over me, instead I want to view everything as a learning experience and something that will help me either in that moment or in the future.

I want to lessen the amount of jealousy I feel towards others. I want to be happy with the things and the attitude that I have instead of wanting the life of others around me both literally and digitally. I want to stop comparing my body, my style, my life, my voice, my belongings, my creativity, my handwriting, my laugh, my walk, my words, and every other thing that I compare to someone else.

I want to stop being scared and I want to speak my mind. I want people to know how I’m feeling whether that be a good or a bad feeling. I jumped off a cliff this year which was the scariest thing that I think I’ve ever done, which means I’m getting there. I’m not as scared as I used to be and I want this to keep going.

I want to tell myself that I need to be happy before I can make others happy and that I need to think of myself more than I do now. I need to do things for myself rather then doing things for others that don’t make me happy. I also want to do more things for others and be happy with what I am doing without ever expecting anything in return.

I want to write, read, and see more.

I want to do something amazing…I guess.

Merry Christmas and I’ll see you next year.

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