2017 week eight

Eight is great. Not really. It was not great.

Week eight was full of nervousness and a drifting mind that couldn’t stay on task. There were some good parts like watching movies with my mom, having a class outside, and my dad bringing lots of German chocolate back for us, but overall I am very glad that these week ended.

I’m staying ahead in school and have been busy during my work days but I’m feeling a bit unsatisfied. I want to do more but I’m scared to do more and I don’t want to sacrifice my self-care time for busier things that will make my head hurt. I’m going to be trying to find a happy medium in the next couple of months. I think the weather has still got me down because it keeps changing too much from day to day.

I also took a break from blogging (did you notice…? I hope you did…). I posted once this week because I refuse to miss a whats wrong with Gilmore Girls post because that would mean I couldn’t watch an episode of it to make me happy and I really needed it this week. I didn’t really feel motivated to write and I didn’t have time to write, but I think it was a mistake to not post.

I realized that I write to relax and since I didn’t do any writing I was on edge all week, I really noticed it towards the end of the week because whenever I was alone and something made me angry I got really angry or if I was describing something bad to someone I got extremely angry while talking. I also noticed an increase in my use of “bad words” (eye roll) but it did get really bad and I’m going to try to lessen that in the next few months because it is getting out of control.

I don’t get Philosophy…it is peculiar. I like media history far more. I love my final project the most.

I went to the airport on Saturday to pick up my dad and a strange thing happened or rather something didn’t happen. Whenever I think about the airport or see an airplane I get this tightness in my chest, this feeling of “oh yea that’s where I want to be or I’m going to be up there one day soon” but I didn’t get that feeling this time. I felt almost indifferent to the idea. I wasn’t excited to go to the airport or to see a plane take off. I think I’m starting to feel that it won’t actually happen and it is really making me sad but I’m hoping that my thoughts will turn around soon and I will realize that it will happen. Hopefully, I’ll be buying a plane ticket in the next couple of months and I can stop doubting myself.

Here’s to week nine may it be mine.

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